Episode Transcript
[00:00:20] Speaker A: Welcome to Infinite Human, where we explore our limitless potential through conversations with guests who have achieved greatness, overcome challenges and work to find their purpose. We aim to share and inspire you to do the same.
I'm your host, Shona Kerr. I'm a college coach, professor and businesswoman who is eager to learn from and sharing the wisdom of others with you.
And onto the Today we are speaking with Amy Boltzell, a high performance coach dedicated to understanding how, why, and when people perform at their best.
Amy combines years of academic research and practical experience in sports psychology to help individuals harness both the mind and and the heart for peak performance.
Her clients range from athletes, dancers and musicians to business leaders, anyone striving to perform at their highest level.
Her goal is to guide people from a place of distress to a place of ease, building lasting skills that improve performance and well being.
I hope you enjoy meeting Amy and that something from our conversation inspires you to make a positive change and onto the show.
Welcome Amy Balzell to Infinite Human. We are absolutely thrilled that you're with us today, so thank you.
[00:01:58] Speaker B: Thanks for having me. This is fun. Going to be fun.
[00:02:02] Speaker A: For those of you listening, Amy is an elite sports and executive performance consultant. She's a mother of three.
She works in fields of mindfulness and mindful meditation. How we connected in in sports psychology and performance coaching, which I know you do for a whole wealth of college athletes, professional athletes, high level business executives. And there's just so much we can learn from you.
I have to ask just to get started because I don't know, where are you from?
[00:02:36] Speaker B: Where I'm from the United States. You know, I'm from all over. I'm from all over, but now more, more in the last many decades.
[00:02:43] Speaker A: Massachusetts got you so northeast of the U.S. yes.
And we're connected because you work with the sports teams at Wesleyan where you actually attended. How on earth did you find your way to Wesleyan?
[00:02:57] Speaker B: What's kind of a funny story.
I had no idea where to go to college back then, but there's a boy in my class who I heard him. He had gone on a college visit and he said, I went on all these visits, but there's this one school I really didn't like. It was Wesleyan University. I said, okay, if you don't want to go there, I want to go there. So I applied, I visited, I loved it. And that's where I end up going.
[00:03:19] Speaker A: That is hilarious. What did you love about it? What was it? What was the hook other than him hating it?
[00:03:24] Speaker B: Wesleyan. I love the vibe on Campus. I love the openness. I love the range of the type of people like you could be kind of from conservative to open minded and everyone just like gave space for each other. I love my sports.
I could be very successful in sport there. I love the professors, I love the vibe. I loved it there. I got a soft heart. I got a soft place in my heart for Wesley and I always have and I always will. And it was a place where I had a wonderful coach. And you, I know you're a coach there and the coach I had at the time, he was, you know, pivotal in my success in sport and my self love and he was amazing Pat Callahan, so always grateful to him.
[00:04:00] Speaker A: I know you rode at Wesleyan. You, you start, or I believe you may have started your rowing career at Wesleyan as a novice crew member.
[00:04:07] Speaker B: I did, you know, I, I was a, I was a high school athlete and I, you know, did like I did, you know, tennis in the summer and basketball and lacrosse and field hockey. I just did so many sports and I decided when I got to Wesley, no sports, I wasn't going to be an athlete. And about two week, two weeks into the semester and I was like, wow, I, I really, I'm missing something. And some student on the campus saw me and said, hey, come down and try rowing. And so I went down to the boathouse, had never seen it, never heard of it. They put me in a boat and I got out of the boat. And that first day Pat Callahan said to me one day you could be an Olympic athlete if you wanted to be. And that's that like seeded the possibility. And then that's what I did, you know, so.
[00:04:46] Speaker A: Yeah, well, you make that sound so simple. I'm sure there are a lot of steps in between. It's amazing that Coach Callahan said, hey, you can be an Olympic athlete on day one. But, but what was that journey? What were, what were the turning points in that that's pushed you to be as good as you were. And obviously when you graduated you went onto national team level, Olympic level. What were those keys?
[00:05:08] Speaker B: You know, I think from the beginning having someone look at me and say, I believe in you and I see possibility in you. You know, he saw something in me I didn't see in myself. And so that really meant a lot to me. And so I would, you know, I would, if I was frustrated, I'd go running or if I was happy, I'd go running. Or I would go every morning, like five days a week I went with one of my teammates, we'd go Lift every morning with the guys. It was only us and the guys and I just took it. Like I loved, I love movement, I love getting strong, I love getting fit. I love being part of something. We won all the time and it was fun to win.
And to this day, like my, one of my best friends still are people from that boat in 1983, 84. I mean those are my best friends.
[00:05:48] Speaker A: Yeah, it's powerful that connection. And then you graduate and I know that two years later you make the US Rowing team. Were you training and working?
[00:06:01] Speaker B: Training? I was training, training, training. I was, you know, maybe working part time jobs and so I trained and I made, you know, I was on the US team for a few times. Olympic team in 92. So it was like five years post college. I was training. Yeah.
And you know, and it's really a lot of what, why I do what I do now because as my level of performance went up, you know, joy goes down, stress goes up, you know how it can go. And I got so, I got so in my head about performance, I just didn't know how to handle it, you know. And so my performances were very inconsistent. There were still times I was incredible and there's times I wasn't, you know. And so that really sparked my interest in pursuing sports psychology. Like why was I, why can I be so good sometimes and not other times? Like what happened? Like what is different? Because my body's the same, my ability's the same, my, my desire's the same, my motivation's the same and what is it? And that really kind of, and maybe jumping ahead, but it really got me into what I am so passionate about now is helping people move from a place of internal distress to a place of ease and flow. From internal distress to ease and flow. And I, that's, that's my work and, and it's very inspiring and hopeful when you know, I can work with someone for a session, one session, two sessions, they can shift from being full of dread, anxiety, fear, self criticism, worry about what the coach thinks, worry about what the outcome's going to be, worry about results, worry about making a team. And they know they have the tools to shift into locking into their best performance consistently. That, that's to me, like that's what it's all about. So I know I'm jumping, but that's really what got me. That's what still motivates me to this day. Cause I can look in the eye of somebody and I can think like my gosh, like I can't go Back in time and help myself. I can't go back 40 years and help myself. I can't do that. Right. But what I can do is I can help people who are like me, who have committed 10 years, 15 years of training, whatever it might be, round the clock, total identity. And, you know, what's missing for most performers that I meet are people have no idea how to move, how to deal with the internal distress that happens when they're not consistently on top and whoever is.
[00:08:06] Speaker A: Right.
[00:08:07] Speaker B: Everyone struggles sometimes.
And there's no. There's really like, very little information out there that helps people shift quickly. Because I know I don't want to wait five years. I want to wait even a year. I want to help someone, like, pretty immediately spontaneously is what I'm looking for. That's my intention every time I sit down with someone, is to help move them from a place of distress to ease and give them an understanding of for them, specifically, what's in the way, what's the block, and how they can do that, and then what they need to attend to to optimize performance.
[00:08:37] Speaker A: Well, big believer here about helping others being the ultimate form of existing and living, actually. And if we as humans can get to that place, then it's fulfilling both for ourselves and making everything better, as cheesy as that sounds. But big believer. Big believer.
[00:08:54] Speaker B: Yeah. You know, and I. Sean, I same. And it's like. And for me, it's not just helping the other, because what I find is I find, like, when I. When that happens, I find such joy. Joy for me, it's like. It's for me, too. It's not just for the other person. It's for me too, because I get to have these moments of, like, soul touching, connecting with the other and helping them shift in a way. They had no idea what to do. But then when they see the pathway, they can just, like they got it. And it's just, like, wildly satisfying.
[00:09:21] Speaker A: It is very. It's very gratifying. It feels great. And your gift is the fact of that struggle that you had, and the gift to others is that you did analyze that internally and decide to figure that out and pass that on.
[00:09:37] Speaker B: Yeah, to spend a lifetime figuring it out. Spend a lifetime. So what does that mean? It's like, you know. Professor for 20 years in sports psychology, I ran a graduate program. The last 10 years I was in charge of it.
President of the association of Applied Sports Psychology. Going to think tanks around the world, writing just so many papers and book chapters and half a dozen books, like, so Involved, like how. What is it that it takes for someone to shift from a place of dis. Ease upset stress to a place of really being okay inside, even when they're under pressure? And you know, those answers are not easy to find.
[00:10:12] Speaker A: No, it's the human condition right there. I mean you've drilled down right to the essence. I, the one, one thing that you did that you haven't mentioned is, is your sailing.
[00:10:21] Speaker B: Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah.
[00:10:23] Speaker A: America's cup, first all female team put together by Bill Coke in 95.
[00:10:30] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:10:32] Speaker A: Pivotal.
I actually do remember the publicity around that. And what did you take from that?
[00:10:39] Speaker B: Wow.
Well, I'm going to say that there's a documentary coming out next summer, I think 50 Eggs Productions doing that. And what I take away from it, it's like what you're saying, like when we got on those big boats, women were not generally allowed on boats like that. You know, the American cup boats where there's 16 people on the boat. Women are considered bad luck on boats, you know, and women had a very difficult time getting on boats. Unless you were married to a sailor or you were one of the wealthy owners and then maybe you get to go for a ride, you know, and to be in an environment where we're all women and then we're the fall of 94 when we raced in the world championships, like we won one of the races against all the best sailors in the world. And so people were like, wow. And even for us, it was like, it kind of like opened the door of what was possible. It made me realize like, wow, so much more is possible than I can even dream of. So stay open, stay open. I'm going to say having a group of women who are very strong minded, who it was impossible for us to do each other's jobs because no one knew each of the jobs, like even the, even the Olympic level gold medal silver medal sailors were used to sailing like two handed boats. This is a 16, that means 16 person boat. Very different. And they, most of them weren't strong enough to do some of the tasks that someone like I could do having trained for Olympic rowing for a decade, you know. And so there was something that happened that was magic in terms of we had to respect each other and we had to trust each other because I couldn't do any of the other jobs, but they couldn't do mine. There's no way they could do mine. They weren't, you know, the little teeny sailors, you know, they couldn't do what the bigger, more kind of muscle, whatever you want to say fit athletes could do. And so there was a.
It was like a. A beautiful, like almost like a dance or something. It was like being part of one being, experiencing what it feels like to be one with a lot of people. It was really. It was amazing. It was amazing.
[00:12:26] Speaker A: I can only imagine. I'm excited to see the documentary.
Do you feel there were any differences and I don't know if you got to see how the other boats operated together as that one synergistic unit. Do you think there are any differences with the all women boat versus the mailboats?
[00:12:42] Speaker B: I mean, I do. Like, I came into it not as a sailor, so sailors might have different answers, but I felt like each of us had to be really, had to be locked in and doing our absolute very best every second to make it work.
You really had to be fully present because you get hurt or you couldn't get the sail up around as fast. Like, we never lost attacking duel or a jiving duel to the guys. We never got beat, you know, and. And I think because we were so serious about it and we were so focused. I don't know if I'm sure the guys were serious too, but I think there's something about the requirement to be so locked in and work together all the time. I mean, that's the ideal of what you want a team to do. But like, we couldn't be successful unless we did. So a lot of us had to get over our egos, which is including me. You know, there was like, there were. We would come to like close to fistfights with people with each other, then we had to put it down because if we didn't put it down, we. There's no way we could sell without.
[00:13:31] Speaker A: Each other, you know, the ultimate team sport.
[00:13:33] Speaker B: Yeah, it was really an ultimate team experience for sure. Yes.
[00:13:38] Speaker A: So obviously you took all of these experiences and you moved into the world of sports psychology and, and. And all the other modalities that you.
[00:13:48] Speaker B: There's a lot to go with that. And I want to say the sports psychology started from when we were during the America's Cup. Bill Coke, the multi billionaire, he did fly in Terry Orlich from Canada, from across the country to work with us. And that was pivotal for me. He was super helpful to me. He really helped me realize, like, where my attention goes. He didn't say this, but where attention goes, energy flows. He really helped me understand, like, where I put my attention is going to have a big impact. So I'm on the negative, going to be negative and cause A problem if I'm with, like. So I would literally turn my body away from people that are bothering me and just focus on the people who I resonated with and were friendly with. And that made, like, all the difference in the world for me. That kept me on the race boat. It kept me on the race boat. Otherwise I would have been too much of a personality problem. Because I've got a big personality.
If I don't like somebody, they're going to know it, you know, and. And that especially then, you know, when I was younger, my goodness, watch out.
[00:14:43] Speaker A: That. I mean, that's fascinating that he. He gave you that. I would never have guessed that he did.
[00:14:48] Speaker B: And I'm very grateful to his intervention.
[00:14:52] Speaker A: Wow. As you're working with. With athletes these days, what are some of the main concepts, issues, challenges that you're seeing?
[00:14:59] Speaker B: Whoa. Okay.
Well, athletes in chronic stress mode. Athletes who are, you know, if you're one of the best in the team, you're worried about whether you can keep it. Um, you're worried whether you can start. You worry you're gonna get time in the field, you worry if you're gonna get cut. I mean, it's always the. It's always the pressure and the stress.
[00:15:20] Speaker A: And has that changed over time or has that been the same throughout your.
[00:15:24] Speaker B: I think it's getting worse. I really do. I think because as the kids are, you know, training more intensely at an early age, it's more specialized.
The training around the. Around the calendar, around the year. They're. They're pushing their bodies too hard. There's more at stake. There's more at stake for all of them. And I feel like just in general, you know, there used to always be someone probably like me who was, like, distressed, but I think it's getting. It's becoming worse and worse. And we know that in terms of mental health issues, we know that across the mental illness, mental health issues are blossoming as we speak. It's getting worse and worse. And I. It's the same thing as around pressure and sport. It's the same thing.
[00:16:04] Speaker A: Yeah, It's. It's tough to see and. And thank goodness, you know, there are. There are people like you that can. Can approach this and help maybe talk to us about some of the approaches that you take. It'd be fascinating for someone on the outside to know. We know you work with students, but what do you do?
[00:16:24] Speaker B: You know, I'm tempted to ask you to give me a scenario. I mean, one of the biggest things that often comes through is when Someone's distressed. The first step often is, of course I hear what they're what they're their details of their story, like where it's coming from. But one of the big steps is learning how to. When you have thoughts and feelings that are destructive or stress inducing, to accept.
To accept, accept them and not.
Not make them wrong, not disregard them, not stuff them down, not try to get them away. It's just like, it's okay.
It's normal. And anyone I've ever spoken to when they're feeling stress or distressed, it makes sense.
It's okay to have these thoughts and feelings. They're human. However, I don't leave people there because that's kind of like leaving people in. I was like, great, I'm miserable. Be miserable. You have the right to be miserable. It's like, okay, but. But that's the first step. And I'm emphasizing this because what I'm going to say next, people would want to jump to the next thing, but they don't want to have to accept like these thoughts and feelings are normal.
And for a period of time when I'm shifting my attention to something more optimal, I'm going to have to endure these thoughts and feelings continue to come through me, but my task is not to attach to them. My task is not to agree with them. My task is not to be controlled by them. My task is to simply accept they're happening and then shift attention.
Now for most people, they just can't shift to like for you as Squatch coach, can't say, oh, just put your attention back on the court. Because what will happen is they'll be okay. I'm feeling these feelings and I have no idea like how to handle it. Like, what do you do with it? Okay, accept it. Okay, accept it. But it's still. I'm really feeling burdened. And the next step from my opinion is to say to make a decision. I will not be controlled by those thoughts and feelings anymore.
The thoughts and feelings are conditioning from the past experience.
It could be pressure from coaches, it could be internal pressure from culture. Who knows? They trying to please their teammates. There's all reasons why parents, they make it.
What's that? Yeah, parents are a big one. Yeah. I mean I side note, I remember having one athlete many years ago was a tennis player and parents said, like, if you don't win, don't come home.
Yep.
If you don't win, don't come home. Can you imagine?
So that message is like, it's not okay, you know, so, okay, so That's a side note, but so it's like, okay, so I accept the thoughts and feelings.
Now I'm gonna make a decision. I'm not gonna let them control me.
But I'm still in a vibe of a negative energy, energetic vibe. Being distressed and overwhelmed is a negative vibe. So the first task is to figure out ways to get yourself more connected and more locked in so you can be more.
I'll put, I'll put these words like you can feel more at ease.
Okay, that's nice thought. Amy. How do you do that? Well, one way you do it is I can tell you many ways to do it. But here are some ideas I offer effort. Athletes just remember what they're grateful for. This sounds so cheesy, right? But what are you grateful for? What do you love? And I'll have em think of something they love. So Shona, you can think of something you love. Like, I don't know, do you have a dog or a cat? Do you have something that you love? An animal or a.
[00:19:26] Speaker A: Sure. I, I adore my Tika. I adore my cat Tika. She's my little buddy.
[00:19:31] Speaker B: You adore your cat. Okay. And so you can think about like how much you adore her. But can you feel in your body that love for your cat? Right now? If you wanted, could you just imagine feeling the love for your cat?
[00:19:41] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:19:42] Speaker B: And can you feel it in your body, the love for your cat?
[00:19:45] Speaker A: I can feel it throughout my core.
[00:19:48] Speaker B: Yeah, you can feel it throughout your core. And so what you just experienced was a shift in energy, like a lightning of energy because you're connecting to love.
Yeah. And then so for some athletes that's not going to work. But for some people that is very helpful, like thinking that they love their teammates, they love the coach, they love their sport, know they love time in the field. Like that can kind of like remind them of like why they're there and it can bring the energy up.
Other times I'll have people think about things like, you know, when they're struggling, what their, the younger self would say to them, their 12 year old self, their 15 year old self. So for a college athlete, almost always it's like, I'm so proud of you, you're so cool. This is amazing. And you can almost imagine your younger self like acknowledging you for getting through and succeeding.
Yeah. And then I'll have em think about their future self when they're retired. What's that future self gonna say to you about this? Stress. And they're gonna say it doesn't matter, just have fun, enjoy yourself. But really imagining your future self supporting you in this moment, when people do this, actually do it, it can be really, can be transformative.
[00:20:55] Speaker A: I mean this is so cheesy. But actually there's one thing saying it and there's one thing fully embodying it. I was watching Alcaraz tennis player, this was, you know, a few months back and I think he, he may have lost. And they were interviewing him and they said, well, you know, aren't you upset that this happened? Someone he shouldn't have lost, shouldn't have lost to. On paper he said how can I lose? I have my family, I have the support of my loved ones. There is absolutely nothing possible that I can lose. And that to me was very powerful and I think is kind of what you're saying. And so to see that being exhibited at the very height, I mean he's the best tennis player in the world arguably right now.
And it's working. So it's, it's fascinating how you're talking through that.
[00:21:46] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean and that can be one way. So I mean for any individual it could work, it could not work. Right. So it's figuring out what's going to work for the individual. But that perspective of being loved and belonging connected, win or not win, you know, and often with the athlete, college athlete, I'll focus on, you know, start playing time, high, low, whatever it is, you still have your teammates, you still have your sport, you're still fit, you still. Or it's not for me to tell them. It's like to talk about what is it, what is in it for you, whether you get what you want or not. So why is it still valuable to be part of it whether you get the starting position or whether you get the coaches acknowledgement or if you get the, you know, number one seed, whatever it is, what still isn't it for you. And to keep that perspective is another way. So maybe I'll have like 50 ways to get them to shift from a place of darkness, a place of heavy heartedness, a face of distress, to move back to kind of lighten it up, lighten their energy up.
Right. And then what's so critical is then putting their attention on how do they want to perform, having them not just see themselves performing, they want it the way they want to perform, but feel it. So you know, even if you're you as a coach, like what are the things you need to focus on to coach? Well, I'll ask you.
[00:22:57] Speaker A: I need to have a clear Vision of what I'm looking to accomplish in a particular section. I have to be organized in the approach, and I have to be. To effect change. I have to be very connected to each student and what they need and their energy and what they bring that day. And I think, you know, I have to find, in a similar way to an athlete, I have to find that flow also. And I think when. When you find it, it's wonderful because it just. This happens.
[00:23:30] Speaker B: Yes. And so. And that's what I'm getting that with you is. Okay, so one of the things you need to focus on for you to coach well, and when you coach like that, Shona, how do you feel inside it?
[00:23:42] Speaker A: I mean, I think it feels effortless and light and almost like. I mean, again, we hear the word flow a lot, but when you're in it, you're just. You're just in it. There's no real thought. It. It just is.
[00:23:53] Speaker B: Yeah, it. There's no thought, but there's a feeling. There's a sensation. And for you, it feels light. It feels. I can't remember the other words you said. I can't remember what you said, but. What'd you say? Light.
[00:24:02] Speaker A: It feels very engaged to me. Feels connected.
[00:24:05] Speaker B: Feels connected. But I'm gonna ask you what your body feels like, because this is how. And the reason I'm asking you this, and you might feel like.
Might be a light feeling. It might be.
[00:24:15] Speaker A: I think there's a energized feeling. I'm trying to sort of.
There's an energized feeling again. And it's not dissimilar to, hey, what do you love? Okay, I love my cat. And again, I think it takes. As I'm sitting here, it takes me back to my. To my core. And, yeah, there's like. There is a joy to it.
[00:24:32] Speaker B: Yes, it takes you back to your core. And it is just like the cat. It's like you can think it, but with the cat, you're feeling it. And so can you feel. Can you visualize yourself coaching feeling the way you like to feel energized?
Yeah. Can you? You're right.
And so that's what I do with athletes. I have them talk about go way back, whatever's distressing them, Accept that it's okay to feel like that. Okay, now try to bring the vibe up. How do you do that? Think of something you love. Bring your past person, your future person. Maybe hear what a coach might say to you, a parent might say to you, thinking what you're grateful for. Think of the sport that you love. Anything that can help bring your, like, intentionally shift from like a negative vibe to a. I'm not going to say positive vibe. I'm going to say like a locked in, at ease vibe.
And then from there, visualize yourself competing and practicing the way you want to in an embodied way. You not just see it, but you got to feel it in the body. So those are kind of the basic steps I will often use in my interventions with athletes. And I mean, I give talks to teams, you know, moving from distress to flow. How do you do that?
[00:25:35] Speaker A: And you work with business executives too, so how does that translate to that, to that world?
[00:25:41] Speaker B: It's the same, you know, because it's, it's. I'm no expert, as you know. I can't help squash players play squash. I can't help tennis players to play tennis. It's not my job. My job is to help their internal state so they can be at ease, they can be wise, they can be present, they can be connected, they. To make good choices. I mean, I find executives much easier to work with than athletes. Maybe.
[00:26:03] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:26:04] Speaker B: I don't know because. I don't know, they just, it just seems like, you know, they feel a lot of pressure and it's really clear what the pressure is. Just the kind of prompts I was just giving you. I just feel like they're able to answer the questions pretty easily and quickly.
[00:26:20] Speaker A: Got you. Yeah, I think it's great that it applies universally and it really does.
[00:26:25] Speaker B: Musicians, athletes, executives, anyone who's performing now.
[00:26:32] Speaker A: Are you, are you spiritual in any way? Does that, does any of that translate?
What's your approach?
[00:26:40] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, I think that's all. That's the most important thing to me.
[00:26:44] Speaker A: Interesting.
[00:26:45] Speaker B: And for me, it's the energy I go into a session with is critical for my effectiveness because I can only help the other elevate to where I'm at. You know what I mean? I can't go, I can't help anyone beyond where I am. So it's essential I go in a place of a calm and flow.
[00:27:06] Speaker A: Well, here's a question. Do you think it's possible without that?
[00:27:12] Speaker B: Yes. What? High performance?
Sure. Yeah. Because where your attention goes, energy flows. So. Absolutely. I think that without. You don't have to have a spiritual orientation to be grateful for your life, to be aware of what you love to. To want to respect and honor your past, present and future self, to know where you put your attention that helps optimize performance.
I mean, for a squash player, they Gotta be in the moment, watching the. Being aware of the body next to them. Their eyes have to be on the ball. They have to be aware of how they're following through. They have to be strategic about how to beat the other person. That's not spiritual. That's being very devotional about where to put their attention. And when fear arises or anxiety arises, they're able to do. I'm not letting that control me. I'm making a decision. It's a conscious choice.
I'm going to. I can't stop the flow of thoughts, I can't stop the flow of emotions, but I can make the decision not to agree with those thoughts and feelings. Instead, I'm going to accept, raise my vibe as best I can. It might recall a pastime, and I perform well to remember that, to try to embody that. Or sometimes I just have to accept this feeling that I don't like. I have to accept these thoughts that I don't like. Some simply. It's a matter of tolerance sometimes, and then putting their attention on the things that will help them optimize performance, which is the ball, where their eyes are, their strategy. But often what athletes will do is that they'll.
They'll kind of give in. And they'll give in to the thoughts of, I can't do it, I'm too tired, I'm not good enough. I can't beat them. And they start to agree with those thoughts and then they're beaten.
[00:28:46] Speaker A: Right?
[00:28:47] Speaker B: But there's a choice. And sometimes, you know, we all get caught up in negative thoughts sometimes. But as soon as it's like I look at, like, here's the negative thoughts and here's our awareness. Sometimes it's all scrambled up and you just can't. You just caught. But the moment you go, oh, wow, there's those thoughts. Then you go, oh, wow. This is where the mindful meditation comes in. It's like, you know, you're meditating and your mind's wandering and you're lost in your thoughts. But as soon as you say, oh, wow, I'm aware, here's my thoughts. Oh, instead of being lost in my thoughts, I'll change my attention and focus on the flame or the mantra or the sensations in my body. Whatever the point of my. My meditation is, it's a choice.
It's a choice.
I get caught. But as soon as I'm aware I'm at choice, I can sink back into it or I can put my attention where I want to put my attention.
And it's. It's a discipline.
It's not easy.
[00:29:39] Speaker A: It requires practice.
[00:29:41] Speaker B: It requires practice. And I'll tell my athletes and my clients, like, look, like, what I'm going to tell you is very clear and it works. But it's really hard. It's really hard because it's really easy to just get mad, have a temper tantrum and throw your racket. It's really easy to just kind of give in. I mean, it's miserable, but it's pretty, like, easy to do that.
We've all given in to our emotions and screamed and yelled and tantrumed and, and victimed and all that stuff. Like, I've done it too, but then you realize, like, I don't have to do that anymore.
You know, emotions are authentic, but they're based on past experience.
Thoughts are authentic, but they're based on past experience. There's something in us that knows, that's aware, that's separate from that, that can choose differently than agreeing with those thoughts and feelings.
[00:30:29] Speaker A: So how would.
How would I start to practice that? Say, I'm just getting to this revelation. I've heard you speak, and I'm. I'm. It's really hitting home for me, and I want to sit and I want to start practicing that.
[00:30:43] Speaker B: What.
[00:30:43] Speaker A: What could I. Where do I start?
[00:30:46] Speaker B: You start with your intention.
What is it that you care about? It's not for me to tell you what you care about. So once you know what you care about, then you say, okay, I really care about that. Okay, then. Okay. You know, when you're, say, coaching or whatever it is that you're dancing, whatever it is that you care about. Practices are like, let myself see myself in an embodied way, dancing and coaching. Just the way I want to dance and coach. Practicing that. Just like we did earlier in the call. Just. Just bring it up. I'm going to. I had my intention that when I go into practice today, I'm going to be tuned in and be aware of my plan. I'm going to have, you know, my strategy. I'm going to be connected to each kid. My intention to be present and calm and wise. Here I go.
And then someone shows up late or someone's disrespectful and you feel like, oh, you go, no, not going there. Instead, I'm going to stay focused and calm because I'm going to get the best out of these. I'm going to get the best out of my coaching time with these kids. I'm not going to waste it on temper tantrum or upset or irritation. Not Going to do it. It's tempting. Not going to do it.
[00:31:42] Speaker A: We said this takes practice. So you start out and you're able to do it a little bit and then each time maybe it gets more and more. Is that kind of how you see it, practice play out?
[00:31:52] Speaker B: Well, you know, it's like, what is it like? I just offered so many different things. So for different pretty people listening, it depends on what they need. Does that make sense? There's not one. If there was just one, like, oh, just practice these six things. Like many books will say, right? Oh, here's the seven ways that then like it's never that easy.
[00:32:08] Speaker A: But I would say differences in personal, personal baggage or experiences that they're bringing.
[00:32:16] Speaker B: But I, what I would say is, you know, you listen to this for half an hour, 40 minutes and if something really resonated with you, like wow, like that one really just like made sense to me. And then I'd say you work with that.
[00:32:27] Speaker A: Got it, got it, got it. Now, are you seeing any new approaches to sports psychology?
[00:32:34] Speaker B: Well, what I'm saying is not, I don't see this as sports psychology, typical sports psychology intervention.
[00:32:38] Speaker A: Right. No, I understood and I, I guess maybe I'll rephrase. I, well I, I, I know knowing enough about you, I know that you're going to want to stay current, you're going to want to continue to improve, continue to find other ways, continue to see what's out there. Is there, is there anything that you're gathering now that maybe you wouldn't have thought about 10 years, 20 years ago?
[00:33:06] Speaker B: Sure. I mean I think I was very aware before of working with the mind.
And now I look at the mind just as a tool.
It's secondary to the awareness.
And before, if someone had said those words, I wouldn't have even known what I was talking about. I wouldn't have known what that meant. But I think there's, you know, it's not, it's not like I don't do like the self talk work where someone says I can't do it and this tell yourself I can do it. I'm not saying that's wrong, but I feel like that's kind of, you get into the, like, it's like getting into the weeds with a conditioned mind that it's very committed to being a conditioned mind.
So that's not usually a conversation in sports psychology.
That's maybe Buddhist there. It's like a Buddhist influence on that one. Got, yeah, the conditioned mind, the conditioned emotions.
[00:33:59] Speaker A: Who inspires you?
[00:34:00] Speaker B: A lot of people Inspire me. I mean, I'm looking outside the trees. Inspire me. Eckhart Tolle inspires me. Eckhart Tolle's talks from 2001. There's these talks, Omega 1 through 8. They're absolutely amazing. I go back and listen to them over and over. Very, very wise teachings. People like Oprah Winfrey. Inspire me. Someone who just, like, keeps expanding and keeps trying to bring awareness and open heart and good into the world.
I could go on. I mean, if I thought about it, I could tell you a hundred things. You know, I work with right now. I work with rescue horses and the rescue horses that have the courage, who have been beaten and ignored and starved and have the courage to return to be loving and connected. They inspire me.
They inspire me.
[00:34:47] Speaker A: And where do you see your journey going next?
[00:34:50] Speaker B: I love what I teach, and I would love to connect to audiences or people who are hungry for what I have to offer.
I'd like to do that more and more.
[00:35:03] Speaker A: We need to get your messages and your understanding and knowledge out to a wider audience, Period.
[00:35:08] Speaker B: Yes. Yeah, that's nice. No more normal way of saying it. Yes.
You know, and that's why I said yes to you, because I feel like, you know, when I sit with a kid and 45 minutes, everything shifts, you know, it seems. It seems like, wow, that kid's been suffering with this for 10 years, and it took 45 minutes. Like, I wish to get help. More kids shift to be free. So instead of being distressed when they perform, they can perform with freedom and joy.
It's not about, you know, of course you want to win. Of course you want to be successful. Of course you want to be the best. Of course, of course. Of course you want to make your parents proud, make your coach proud, make yourself. Yes. All that stuff. Yes. But what's the fast track to that? It's not obsessing on that. It's being connected to the moment and doing the best you can, moment to moment, in an authentic, real way, you know, and with joy, with ease, with presence. And then flow comes naturally. Flow comes naturally. You know, one of my. Remember one of my teachers a long time ago, Ken Rizza, who has passed, he's a really beloved sports psychologist. He was a wonderful man. And he used to say, you can't.
You can't be in flow, like, intentionally. It just kind of happens or it doesn't.
And that's kind of the beliefs of the current sports psychology world to my understanding.
And I don't believe that anymore. I've written books and chapters on that. Not books. I've written in books about that, and I've written chapters about it. I've done research on it, and I used to believe that, too, that flow was just a spontaneous, beautiful thing that just kind of happens sometimes, and you're lucky when it happens. I believe now that you can live in flow.
[00:36:45] Speaker A: That's taking it to the next level.
[00:36:47] Speaker B: It's the most beautiful level.
You can live and flow. You don't have to be doing things because you have to or because you feel stressed, you feel overwhelmed, because it's a very low way of functioning.
Very low way of functioning.
[00:36:59] Speaker A: I guess that's more existing. You're existing in that space versus existing in misery.
[00:37:05] Speaker B: You're existing in hell, and that's not a place to be, and that's not something to agree with. You can break agreement with that and you can shift.
[00:37:14] Speaker A: And I've seen it in practice. I've had students that have come to talk to you. I have no idea what they've discussed with you. And they come back a better human. And that's a great show. How incredible it was. And, you know, here's me thinking, what. What can really. What can Amy do in one session? You know, this is. This is. And lo and behold, that's. That's the reality of it. So I've seen.
And. And I just. I just love what you're trying to spread. I can't. I'm a huge fan. This. This discussion today has been. Has been inspiring and another way just to share this with. With more people.
[00:37:48] Speaker B: Yeah. Thanks for doing it.
[00:37:50] Speaker A: I know you're also thinking about doing your own podcast. So what's the plan there?
[00:37:54] Speaker B: I don't know. I don't know. The wisdom will come when the time comes. It's not. It's not time yet to think about that.
[00:38:00] Speaker A: Well, the world needs you. The world needs it. So if and when, then, you know, we'll. We'll be. We'll be hanging right on every word. So anything else you. You would want people to know.
[00:38:09] Speaker B: You know, I love the name. You're Infinite Human. And that we all have infinite potential and we're all. We all have access to infinite love.
And even just that information can provide some ease.
A lot of us are suffering. A lot of people are suffering.
[00:38:29] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:38:30] Speaker B: And what they're looking for is right inside them. I'd say that.
[00:38:34] Speaker A: Amazing.
[00:38:35] Speaker B: All right, thank you for your time. Awesome. Thank you so much.
[00:38:38] Speaker A: Thank you, Amy. Incredible. And we look forward to what comes next.
[00:38:42] Speaker B: Awesome. Thank you. Take care. See you.
[00:38:46] Speaker A: This has been infinite human with me, Sharon o' Kerr until next time, keep challenging yourself and make others better along the.
[00:38:59] Speaker B: It.
